Thursday, February 7, 2013

Have You Ever Stolen Something?

Re-posted from December 9, 2010.

I stole a duck. I was 23 years old, and of all the things I could have stolen at a store, I willfully took a little yellow stuffed duck and put it in my bag. I feel no remorse.

I had no choice.

You see, it was the night before Easter, and I thought it would be nice to buy treats and gifts for the family I would spend Easter with. I went to the store at 11:00 pm because I thought it would be empty by that time.

It was pandemonium. Procrastinating parents madly grabbed mismatched baskets and broken chocolate bunnies because that was all there was left to get their kids. I had to squeeze through the mass people just to walk down the aisles.

After a lot of elbowing and searching, I found everything I wanted and stood in the long line that stretched through the frozen food isle. By the time I finally got to the do-it-yourself check out register, it was 11:50 pm.

I rang up a box of Cadbury eggs, and I heard a groan behind me. I rang up a stuffed rabbit, and I heard another groan. The groan happened every time I pulled something out of my basket. Curious, I turned and saw two college boys waiting behind me, glaring at me with intense annoyance. They hissed at each other in loud whispers about all the obnoxious people that dared shop in front of them.

When I saw their shopping cart was loaded with beer, I understood. I lived in Utah at the time, and it’s against the law to sell beer on Sundays. They had less than ten minutes to buy their drinks, and apparently, they wanted their drinks very badly.

At last I took the last item out of my cart; a stuffed yellow duck. But when I tried to ring it up, there was no price tag.

If I had asked someone to do a price check, an already overworked employee would have had to run all over the store through a mob of irate customers to find where I found it and how much to charge me. I looked at the fuming college boys and feared for my safety. So, I stole it.

The family loved all my gifts, especially the duck, and to this day I have never told them it was stolen.


  1. What? You gifted us stolen merchandise? I'm not totally sure how to respond to that tidbit of newly revealed information.

    We did enjoy that Easter together, didn't we? And wouldn't it be horrible if I was remembering the situation completely incorrectly and you aren't even referring to us?

  2. Adris, I'm sorry you had to find out this way.

  3. hahah! At first I thought they were making fun of you for buying stuffed animals.

  4. I used to steal willy nilly all the time when I was a teenager. Mostly clothing, makeup, and earrings. I stole for two reasons: I'm constantly broke, and I used to love the rush. It was mostly for fun.

    Now, this doesn't mean I'm completely amoral. I've never stolen from people. Just stores, because ultimately, I cared little for public property at that age.

  5. I was actually disappointed in the lack of rush I felt. The self check-out lines make shoplifting too easy.

  6. I stole 3 pennies once, when I was like 5 years old. And once, when our entire team was abruptly dissolved and we were given 5 working days to find new jobs within the company, I liberated some office supplies....which mostly ended up at my new office with the same company.


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