Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Time I Accidentally Got High

I’m against drugs of all kinds, including alcohol. Everyone at my high school knew this, so you can imagine their surprise when I came to class high.

It wasn’t my fault.

A friend of mine showed me how to blow fire using a lighter. She pressed the button and sucked out the fluid, then lit the flame and blew on it. A whoosh! came out of her mouth. I found out later you can do the same thing with flour or powdered sugar, which I wish I had tried instead.

I decided to attempt the trick when I was bored in my Art History class. I made all my friends gather around, I filled my mouth with gas, lit the flame, blew on it, and the flame went out. That was embarrassing. Everyone laughed while I tried to figure out why it didn’t work.

“You probably swallowed the gas,” said a friend.

A few minutes went by before I started feeling weird. It was like the top of my head was floating over my body. I tried explaining this strange sensation to my friends, but instead of understanding me, they just stared with dropped jaws. I was about to explain again when a much more urgent need took over.

“Guys,” I said, “I need pop tarts.”

A girl raised her eyebrow. “You need pop tarts?”

“Yes. I need them. Like, right now.”

She leaned over and scrutinized my face with narrowed eyes. “I think you’re high,” she said.

“Do you have money for pop tarts? I really need them. I’m serious.”

They didn’t seem to understand the severity of my need for pop tarts because instead of helping me, they couldn’t stop laughing. Luckily I had some money in my purse, so I went to the vending machine and bought some, along with two bags of peanut butter M&Ms. In my next class, I sat down and ate all of it in a matter of minutes.

People from other tables craned their heads to watch me. “What on earth?” someone asked.

“I think I’m high,” I admitted with a frown.

“You’re what?”

“Ugh, I feel sick.” I lay my head on the table and wrapped my arms around my stomach. Being high isn’t nearly as fun as people make it sound.

I felt better after eating lunch, but I still must have been buzzed. I discovered that when I swished my orange juice around in the bottle it made a funny sound, so I put my ear up to the mouth and was entertained for a good five minutes. I stopped when I saw all of my friends staring at me.

“She really is high,” someone said.

2 comments:

  1. I love to have a drink or two (sometimes more...) but I have always been totally anti-drugs, and the only time I was ever high was after getting my wisdom teeth out and 4 fillings put in, all in one sitting ;)

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  2. I know this must have been an absolutely mortifying experience for you, but it's probably the funniest story I've heard in at least six months!

    Neither my wife and I are drinkers and certainly not drug-users, but we sometimes like to speculate about what we would be like either drunk or high (for my part, I think my wife would be really funny and I would be a total jerk—just blurting out all the brutally honest, rude, and even judgmental things I can't help thinking but would never say).

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