Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Satan in Our Apartment

I guess you can’t go to a Christian university without encountering a few religious zealots.

My freshman year, I had a roommate who lived like a nun. She would go to bed at 8:00 pm every night and wake up at 5:00 am every morning (probably to become healthy, wealthy, and wise, I don’t know, it sounds pretty pointless to me).

Everything had to be perfect. Our apartment had three bedrooms and our bathroom had three separate medicine cabinets, and she rearranged all of our things to correspond with the placements of our rooms.

She tried to give us chores to do on Saturdays. She left a note on the kitchen table with our assignments, and at the bottom of the page wrote in big letters, “Remember, cleanliness is next to Godliness!” We were particularly messy that day.

At this point, my roommates had had enough. Grace (the girl with no hands) and Whitney (the toffee-stealer) decided to teach her a lesson. They walked into the kitchen where the Zealot was making sugar-free, fat-free wheat bread for a guy she liked, probably to show off her domestic skills.

“Hey, Whitney,” said Grace, “you wanna play on the Ouiji board?”

The Zealot gasped. “You have a Ouiji board?”

“Yeah. Do you want to play?”

Her face turned stark white. “But Grace, that’s of the devil.”

“No, it’s not. It’s just a fun game.”

“I don’t know about that,” said Whitney. “Remember last time we played and it moved on its own?”

“It did not. You moved it.”

By this time, the Zealot was sweating.

“Well, I’ll go get it out of the closet,” said Whitney.

“It’s in the apartment?” The Zealot shrieked. “You brought the devil into our apartment?!”

Once they had a good laugh, they told her they didn’t really have a Ouiji board. I wish they hadn’t told her. We could have had a lot of power over her if she lived in fear of our satanic abilities.


  1. OMFG! (Haha, blasphemy...) This is hilarious. I clicked over to the Girl with No Hands story and read that too. You made me laugh at work and then I had to lie to my boss that I was laughing because a document printed out wrong. Agh, the cycle of sin!

  2. Wow, you blew all my crazy-roommate stories out of the water, atmosphere, and solar system with one off! :)

  3. LOL, that's hilarious. I can respect people who live their lives with a lot of rigid rules, so long as they don't try to press those rules onto me.

    I only had roommates for one year in college and by the end of the year, we were barely on speaking terms lol.

  4. Sheesh, I'll never stop recounting my craziest BYU freshman year stories... ones that stick out to me are the April Fool's Day Room Swap (who was the mastermind behind that, anyway??) and the mattress theft (when my mattress took a mysterious journey from my bed to the piano room to the basement lobby...). Of course, the times people would sneak into the bathroom to dump ice cold water on someone's head in the shower were always funny, as well as the day my pumpkin end up in a bra and t-shirt sitting on the toilet.


  5. I vaguely remember getting sick of that pumpkin and chucking it off the balcony. Did we ever do that, or did we just talk about doing it?

  6. well, we didn't have a balcony at Heritage Halls, unless you count the lobby ones. Nah, I don't think it ever got chucked like that. It probably made a regular trip to the trash. but I'm not sure!

  7. LOL! That is hilarious! :)

    New here! **waves!**

  8. Wow. In my opinion, that story makes you and your other roommates look like real jerks. I guess I would expect someone who intends to explore characters for a living to be a bit less judgmental.

  9. I work at a Catholic University, but apparently it's a lot more Catholic over on the East Coast campus :D

  10. Ahh university days. I miss some of them. Definitely not all. In first year I lived at a hall with 170 other students so there was some definite crazy stuff happening there.

    I agree with Lori on this one: I'm happy for people to live their lives however they want so long as it doesn't affect me.

  11. I swear I commented on this post... weird o_O

    Anyway! haha, I wanted to let you know I gave you an award over at my blog :D

  12. Yeah, Blogger died yesterday and deleted some of my comments. I'm pretty torked because I love comments. Curse you, Blogger.

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