Wednesday, August 24, 2011

An Awkward Doctor's Appointment

I'll never forget a certain appointment I had with a... how do I put this delicately... lady doctor.
Most of the appointment was uneventful. I spent it clutching the sides of the table while trying not to make eye contact with the doctor or the nurse. Every question I answered in one-word sentences.

The appointment was almost over when the doctor explained that he needed to feel my ovaries.

I thought, You can feel the ovaries just by touching my stomach? That is so cool.

I tried not to yelp when I discovered that is not, in fact, how you go about feeling for ovaries. Thanks for not explaining that, doctor. I screwed my eyes shut and tried to go to my happy place while he rooted around like he lost his ring down a drain.

After a while I realized I had been in my happy place for an excessively long time. I didn't want to question him on it, but eventually, it got too weird. I craned my head up and said, “Um… doctor?”

His face was bright red and he couldn't even look at me. “I am so sorry,” he said. “I just, um, I can’t seem to find them.”

“You can’t find them?!” Do I not have ovaries? I need those!

He must have seen my shocked face because he quickly added, “It’s not a problem. It just means that your uterus is crooked.”

So I have a crooked uterus. I’m learning all kinds of things today.

When I got home, my roommates were having a competition to see who had the worst day. I dropped my backpack and said, “Guys, I win this game. Hands down.”

7 comments:

  1. I think "awkward" is an understatement!

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  2. I hate those appointments. But this was a very funny recap of one. =)

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  3. LOL! That is hilarious. I hate lady doctor appts, but mainly b/c of all the talkie. It's like hushie! I don't want to hear about it!!! :D

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  4. What we have to go through! Ummm, here's a weird question. Do you wear socks? LOL, I left my socks on the first time (Strawberry Shortcake knee socks - remember her?) and my friends thought that was weird. Then I started taking them off. Now - I don't care!

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  5. I personally don't wear socks because they already put socks on the foot rests, so I thought it was redundant. I know some women who wear them on principle. They're like, "You wanted me to get naked, but ha! I'm still wearing my socks!"

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