....and the Nano momentum comes to a screeching halt.
I'm going to be perfectly frank; my Amazon book is unorthodox at best. It doesn't fit the style or genre of any of my other books, and it's completely experimental. Part of the reason I'm writing it so quickly is because I don't want to waste too much time working on a book that won't get published.
I told myself to focus on the writing, not the future. I have plenty of perfectly reasonable historical fiction ideas, so it's not like spending a few months on a side project is going to kill my career. I also tried to remind myself how many people poo-pooed on Sacred Fire while I was writing it and how glad I am that I pushed through anyway.
Just write the book, I keep telling myself. So what if it doesn't get published? You're going to write it anyway. Stop worrying so much.
But I'm tired of telling people the idea and getting funny looks. I'm tired of being reminded that I'm a commercial author, not a literary one, that an alternate-universe version of Africa doesn't make sense, and that I'm supposed to stick to historical fiction.
The other day I decided to read my husband a chapter so he'd appreciate what I'm trying to do with this book, since he's skeptical. When I was done, he said, "That's great writing, but what about the genre hopping? Do you think an agent is going to be interested in this?"
That was it for me; I sobbed on his lap while he stroked my hair and tried to calm me down. It was at that moment that I realized I do care whether or not this book gets published. I want it to get big and change the world.
The next day I opened my book and just stared at the document. I didn't want to touch it. My spirit was broken.