My mom went to cosmetology school when I was in high school. She went nuts experimenting with different products, giving everyone she knew free facials and make-overs, plucking my eyebrows against my will.
I got to try all kinds of fun stuff -- and yet, I still got acne. I don't think there's a face wash known to man that will give me clear skin.
She particularly enjoyed giving herself body wraps. Once I went with my husband's family to Florida, and no one would swim in the ocean because a storm had washed loads of feathery sea weed to the shore. Because of my mother's sea weed body wrap, I knew that was one of the best things for your skin, so I jumped in.
I came out looking like the creature from the black lagoon, but my skin was soft!
My mom also got into artificial tanning. It isn't easy putting that stuff on without getting streaks, but she got pretty good at it.
One day, my dad saw my mom's tanning lotion on the counter and decided he wanted to give it a try.
When he was done, he went up to my mom. "How do I look?" he asked.
Her jaw dropped. My dad had squirted a glob of it on his hands -- without putting gloves on -- and smeared it all over his face. He didn't put any on his neck. As soon as she saw his brown-splotched face and stained hands, she burst out laughing.
I happened to walk in at that point and saw what looked like dirt all over my dad's face. "Why are you so dirty?" I asked.
This got my mom laughing even harder.
If my dad's face wasn't so dark, I imagine it would have turned bright red.