Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Day My Brother was a God

Cool photo, huh? No one ever believes me when I say he's built like Wolverine until I show them proof.
My brother has an unusual way of looking at the world. As an adult he's a lot like Dwight from The Office (which is just as entertaining as it sounds). As a kid, he was a clown who always kept you on your toes.

For example, once when he was maybe four we were at a family reunion and he told Mom he really had to pee. We were just about to bless the food, so Mom asked if he could hold it until the prayer was over. He said no, but she didn't believe him.

During the blessing, he noticed everyone's eyes were closed. The reunion was outside. He put these two facts together and decided it would be a good idea to pee while we were praying.

He didn't take into account that everyone could hear him. When we all opened our eyes, he turned away and looked as mortified as I've ever seen him. But he couldn't stop. We had to wait for him to finish before we could return to the prayer.

One day when he was a few years older, he and Dad were walking through the woods. (Well, Dad was walking; my brother always had a parkour way of getting around.) At one point he leaped onto a fallen log, which crumbled underneath him.

The log squished a hive of bees.

The bees swarmed around him. They went in a spiral from his feet to his head, around and around in big circles.

My brother didn't run away. He raised his arms dramatically and yelled, 
"Dad, look! They worship me!"

Inevitably, his next words were: "Ouch! Ouch!" Dad scooped him up and ran away from the bee attack, too pumped with adrenaline to laugh. 

We'll tease my brother about that til his dying day.


  1. Brilliant! There's no one quite like a brother; I have 3 and I worship all of them.

  2. I love this story. Although, having been there at the time I have a minor correction to make: Dad didn't pick him up and carry him away. Both Dad and I ran along beside him swatting at any yellow jackets that tried to sting him. Amazingly enough, he only got stung three times while my dad and I didn't get stung at all.He did however have yellow jacket guts all over him.


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