|Writer's doubt feels a lot like this|
I mentioned before I'm taking a brief hiatus from VOODOO QUEEN due to creative difficulties. While I'm waiting for the answer to my dilemma to magically come to me, I decided to start revising HUNGER.
As a recap, HUNGER is a paranormal romance by my alter ego, Catherine Swift. I wrote it for Nanowrimo two years ago and at the time thought it was marvelous to the point of being intoxicating. I remember days when I'd try to work on it and would end up reading it instead, in wonderment at how incredible it was.
Needless to say, I was pretty optimistic when I opened the document to work on it for the first time in years.
Imagine my disappointment when after reading the first page, I realized it was the worst book ever written.
Obviously you can't expect a masterpiece when you write the rough draft in only 30 days, but still, there was so much to fix that I didn't even know where to start. I felt so overwhelmed I ended up closing the document in despair.
It's no wonder artists are known for being emotionally unbalanced. I think every writer goes through this despair at least once (if not multiple times) for each book. It doesn't just suck. It's downright painful.
Luckily, I felt better the next day and didn't feel too bad about myself as I worked on the first four chapters. Then I sent the chapters to a beta reader. I got so depressed by her edits that I cycled right back down and haven't touched it since.
Now I have a hurdle to clear: opening my book again and diving into the scary edits.
One thing gets me through the dreaded rough draft. I try to focus -- sometimes with great effort -- on my original vision of the book. In my head, it's still a masterpiece. If I have faith that I can put what's in my head on paper, I can use that vision as a motivation to continue.
No matter how much it hurts.